(In)visible

Here is a conversation I had this weekend in regards to my name change:

“I have only known you as Linden for 6 months.”

“The world has only known me as Linden for a year and a half; you aren’t that far behind the curve.”

The kid I was talking to stopped talking and just stared at me. He had a “what in the world?” expression on his face, but I didn’t clarify. It only then dawned on me that the boy I was talking to probably didn’t know I was trans. That’s a weird thought, honestly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need everyone in my life to know I’m trans. It is not the most important thing about me.

However, it’s weird to think that now, ten and a half months into testosterone, people look at me and assume “boy.” That was the secondary goal, right? Behind feeling more comfortable in my body, it was also a goal to be accepted more fully as male. But at this point, I’m just used to making trans jokes. All the time. What do I do now that not everyone knows I’m trans, so making a joke like that will either out myself or heavily confuse the person I’m talking to?

I want to stay visible, but it’s not a necessity anymore. I don’t have to correct strangers’ mis-pronouning me, and my name is legally Linden Andrew. For those who’ve known me, it is just one of those facts about me, but for those who don’t, they might not even know! Especially after top surgery. How bizarre.

So I have to make a split decision when I meet new people. Do I out myself? Or is it just not relevant to my relationship with this new person?

It’s pretty cool that I am just seen as male now, even by complete strangers.

Peace,
Andrew

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANDLER! THE BIG ONE NINE!

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