This is an open letter to all the cisgender people in my life.
Dear Cis People,
Thank you for being accepting of me! Most of you use my pronouns, almost all of you use my name, and I’m pretty sure at least 90% of you see me as a boy! I am so appreciative of the way I have been normalized into our community. That being said, I have a few suggestions that I would like to bring up so that they will not be problems in the future.
- Please do not ask about my sex life.
- I don’t understand how so many people think this is appropriate. I don’t ask you how you have sex, why do you? I don’t ask you the mechanics of what you do in the bedroom, please don’t ask me.
- It is not appropriate to bring up my past presentation as female in front of people.
- Yes, I do it, but that does not give you the right. For one, I have a much better read on the situation in regards to my safety and the person’s reaction than you do. Another reason is that maybe that day I’m not in a place that I can handle it. Maybe I’m super dysphoric that day and discussing a really painful era in my life is not something I take pleasure in discussing. While we’re on the subject, when you talk about me in the past tense, still use he/him pronouns. I was a boy, am a boy, and will continue to be a boy. The pronouns that I used to use are not relevant anymore.
- I do not speak for the whole trans community.
- Just because I am more comfortable discussing my old presentation and my dead name does not mean every trans person is. Also, do not tell me how touchy some trans people are. That is a) an unfair position to put me in, because I will not speak unkindly of other trans people, and b) completely dismissive of the hard and sometimes traumatic experiences a lot of trans people go through.
Ok, now that I’ve lectured you, don’t take this the wrong way! I appreciate you, I do. I just get frustrated sometimes, and I just want to prevent that frustration in the future.